Home Non Cigar Related

Resurrecting the Joke Thread

1457910

Comments

  • ToombesToombes Everyone, Registered Users Posts: 4,451
    jlmarta:
    Greg2648's tag line that asks why the Kamikaze pilots wore helmets reminds me of a story I once read about a guy named Yoshiro Teriyake. He was the world's only living Kamikaze pilot. His friends called him "Chicken Teriyake".

    I know, I know. My bad.

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Oh, wait... BOOOOOOO!
  • DiamondogDiamondog Everyone, Registered Users Posts: 4,169
    Why did the woman cross the road?


    Nevermind that, what the fu*k is she doing out of the kitchen?

  • RhamlinRhamlin Everyone, Registered Users Posts: 4,530
  • DSWarmackDSWarmack Everyone, Registered Users Posts: 1,426
    I was gonna buy my wife a watch for christmas... until I realized there was a clock on the stove!
  • DiamondogDiamondog Everyone, Registered Users Posts: 4,169
    DSWarmack:
    I was gonna buy my wife a watch for christmas... until I realized there was a clock on the stove!
    lol
  • CvilleECvilleE Everyone, Registered Users Posts: 1,177
    A man's driving happily along in his car when he's pulled over by the police.

    The policeman approaches him and asks "Have you been drinking Sir?"

    "Why?" asks the man, "have I got a fat chick in my car?"
  • ToombesToombes Everyone, Registered Users Posts: 4,451
    What does it mean when your wife comes out to the garage to yell at you?

    You made the chain too long...
  • CvilleECvilleE Everyone, Registered Users Posts: 1,177
    Toombes:
    What does it mean when your wife comes out to the garage to yell at you?

    You made the chain too long...
    lol....
  • DiamondogDiamondog Everyone, Registered Users Posts: 4,169
    Q: How many men does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: None, she can clean in the dark.

  • The SniperThe Sniper Everyone, Registered Users Posts: 3,910
    DD, I bet it took me a good five minutes of laughing so hard I couldnt breathe over the Skittles commercial. LMAO!! Thanks for sharing man!

  • The KidThe Kid Everyone, Registered Users Posts: 7,842
    I met a girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us. She did this cute little dance, then immediately dropped to her knees and laid on the grass at my feet. As we lay making love, I thought, Man, "These Taser guns are well worth the money"
  • slickricslickric Everyone, Registered Users Posts: 705
    The Kid:
    I met a girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us. She did this cute little dance, then immediately dropped to her knees and laid on the grass at my feet. As we lay making love, I thought, Man, "These Taser guns are well worth the money"
    freaking hilariouse
  • DSWarmackDSWarmack Everyone, Registered Users Posts: 1,426
    slickric:
    The Kid:
    I met a girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us. She did this cute little dance, then immediately dropped to her knees and laid on the grass at my feet. As we lay making love, I thought, Man, "These Taser guns are well worth the money"
    freaking hilariouse
    +1
  • DirewolfDirewolf Everyone, Registered Users Posts: 3,493
    DSWarmack:
    slickric:
    The Kid:
    I met a girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us. She did this cute little dance, then immediately dropped to her knees and laid on the grass at my feet. As we lay making love, I thought, Man, "These Taser guns are well worth the money"
    freaking hilariouse
    +1
    +1 that was great
  • jgibvjgibv Everyone, Registered Users Posts: 5,996
    With summer time and beach weather approaching....I thought this was appropriate.....

    A man was sun bathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.
    A women walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."
    He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly, it would lift itself."
  • gmill880gmill880 Everyone, Registered Users Posts: 5,947
  • ToombesToombes Everyone, Registered Users Posts: 4,451
    Ted comes home from work one evening with a huge grin on his face. His wife asked why he was so happy.
    "I've just won on the lotto, if you have to know," he replied.
    His wife immediately looks at him and says, "Good! I'm going to take half of your winnings and leave you!"
    Ted grins, reaches into his pocket and pulls out $2.
    "Here," he says. "Now, shag off."
  • ScottTDawgScottTDawg Everyone, Registered Users Posts: 200
    Can anyone relate to this?

    image
  • ToombesToombes Everyone, Registered Users Posts: 4,451
    ScottTDawg:
    Can anyone relate to this?

    image

    Everyday for the past 11 yrs...
  • stephen_hannibalstephen_hannibal Everyone, Registered Users Posts: 4,317
  • ToombesToombes Everyone, Registered Users Posts: 4,451
    stephen_hannibal:
    image


    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
  • taythegibstaythegibs Everyone, Registered Users Posts: 2,024
    stephen_hannibal:
    image

    All too true lol. i had a custodial job and hated when guys did this since i wouldnt clean a urinal next to a guy, i ended up putting out of order signs on half the urinals at a time to clean them to beat this game
  • beatnicbeatnic Everyone, Registered Users Posts: 4,133
    If you're not a liberal at 20 you have no heart
    If you're not a conservative at 40 you have no brain

    Winston Churchill
  • jlmartajlmarta Everyone, Registered Users Posts: 3,440
    beatnic:
    If you're not a liberal at 20 you have no heart
    If you're not a conservative at 40 you have no brain

    Winston Churchill


    This is more of a truism than a joke. And I agree with Mr. Churchill.
  • beatnicbeatnic Everyone, Registered Users Posts: 4,133
    couldn't find the daily quote thread. LOL
  • jlmartajlmarta Everyone, Registered Users Posts: 3,440
    beatnic:
    couldn't find the daily quote thread. LOL


    S'okay. It was well-received..... :-)
  • BeernfritosBeernfritos Everyone, Registered Users Posts: 57
    Some of y'all might have seen this one, but it had me rolling:
    HER DIARY
    Sunday night - I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
    Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent.
    I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing."
    I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
    On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving.
    I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you, too."
    When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
    He just sat there and watched TV.; he seemed distant and absent.
    Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else.
    I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep.
    I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep.
    I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.
    My life is a disaster.

    HIS DIARY
    Motorcycle won't start... Can't figure out why.
  • jgibvjgibv Everyone, Registered Users Posts: 5,996
    I can't take credit for this one - I saw this elsewhere online and copy/pasted here...but

    What's the difference between your d!ck and your paycheck?
    ...
    ...
    ...
    ...
    ...
    ...
    ...
    You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.

Sign In or Register to comment.