Chuck Norris Jokes

Luko · 2009 11

j0z3r:
Chuck Norris is so fat, when his beeper goes off people think he's backing up.

I could be wrong, I was once before, but I think this is the *** child of an unholy Chuck Norris - Yo Mamma union.

j0z3r · 2009 11

Well, you're not wrong...and yet....

Oh, and can I recommend the use of "basterd" for future use, the filter doesn't catch it and it looks cooler.

j0z3r · 2009 11

Which reminds me...What do you call a drunk man that doesn't know who his father is?

A plastered basterd.

urbino · 2009 11

Oh. I thought you were gonna say Chuck Norris.

kuzi16 · 2009 11

how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck norris?

all of it.

dutyje · 2009 11

j0z3r:
Oh, and can I recommend the use of "basterd" for future use, the filter doesn't catch it and it looks cooler.

I like basturd

j0z3r · 2009 11

dutyje:
j0z3r:
Oh, and can I recommend the use of "basterd" for future use, the filter doesn't catch it and it looks cooler.
I like basturd

So do I...I'm officially adopting it.

alienmisprint · 2009 11

dutyje:
j0z3r:
Oh, and can I recommend the use of "basterd" for future use, the filter doesn't catch it and it looks cooler.
I like basturd

Yeah, but then people will confuse fatherless children with sport fish fecal matter, and we all know where that leads.

madurofan · 2009 11

urbino:
Well, tell him to pack a lunch. I've got a burro and a tiny hockey player, and I'm not afraid to use them.

Thanks, I just giggled like a school girl.

Urbino once split a burro from back to front with a tiny hockey player. Beat that Chuck ...

These Filthy Hands · 2009 11

Right now, Chuck Norris is plowing a woman that he dosen't love.

Nothing Chuck Norris touches turns to gold. It simply grows a beard.

Chuck Norris's beard hit .375 in the minors before hurting it's knee.

Chuck Norris wipes with 40 grit sand paper

The only time Chuck Norris has ever made a mistake was when he thought he was wrong.

Chuck Norris won the 1989 World Series of Poker with only a Get Out Of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs and a green Uno card.

madurofan · 2009 11

These Filthy Hands:
Chuck Norris wipes with 40 grit sand paper

This is no accomplishment, anyone who has ever stayed in a hotel room has done the same.

plaidbanana1 · 2009 11

madurofan:
These Filthy Hands:
Chuck Norris wipes with 40 grit sand paper
This is no accomplishment, anyone who has ever stayed in a hotel room has done the same.

I feel your pain. I know all about the motel toilet paper.

gmill880 · 2009 11

Chuck Norris likes everything he eats because his taste buds are afraid to make anything taste bad!

Bad Andy · 2009 11

What's behind Chuck Norris' beard...Another Fist!

kuzi16 · 2009 12

there are two types of women in this world:
1) women who have had sex with chuck norris
2) women who want to have sex with chuck norris again.

if you have ever met a woman with crooked teeth, you have met a woman who has given Chuck Norris a blow job.

bbc020 · 2009 12

Death once had a Near-Chuck-Norris experience.

madurofan · 2009 12

kuzi16:
there are two types of burros in this world:
1) burros who have had sex with Duty
2) burros who want to have sex with Duty again.

Fixed that for you

alienmisprint · 2009 12

madurofan:
kuzi16:
there are two types of burros in this world:
1) burros who have had sex with Duty
2) burros who want to have sex with Duty again.
Fixed that for you

LMFAO!!!!

alienmisprint · 2009 12

Chuck Norris has sex with every woman on the planet once a month. Following coitus, the woman bleeds for 3-5 days.

dutyje · 2009 12

madurofan:
kuzi16:
there are two types of burros in this world:
1) burros who have had sex with Duty
2) burros who want to have sex with Duty again.
Fixed that for you

basturd

These Filthy Hands · 2009 13

All of Jay-Z's 99 problems are Chuck Norris

kuzi16 · 2009 13

These Filthy Hands:
All of Jay-Z's 99 problems are Chuck Norris

fantastic

madurofan · 2009 13

dutyje:
madurofan:
kuzi16:
there are two types of burros in this world:
1) burros who have had sex with Duty
2) burros who want to have sex with Duty again.
Fixed that for you
basturd

You laughed

dutyje · 2009 13

madurofan:
dutyje:
madurofan:
kuzi16:
there are two types of burros in this world:
1) burros who have had sex with Duty
2) burros who want to have sex with Duty again.
Fixed that for you
basturd
You laughed

so did you

These Filthy Hands · 2009 14

Chuck Norris once created a rock so big and heavy that not even he could life it. Then he lifted it just to show you who the f*ck Chuck Norris is!

Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.

Sweden isn't neutral, they just don't know what side of Chuck Norris they are on.

madurofan · 2009 18

dutyje:
madurofan:
dutyje:
madurofan:
kuzi16:
there are two types of burros in this world:
1) burros who have had sex with Duty
2) burros who want to have sex with Duty again.
Fixed that for you
basturd
You laughed
so did you

Indeed

bbc020 · 2009 18

There's no such thing as Evolution, only a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Dude Love · 2009 18

The only reason you're awake is because Chuck Norris doesn't feel like carrying you.

Chuck Norris could strangle you with a cordless phone.

On every issue of TIME Magazine's Man of the Year, it says in small print at the bottom "besides Chuck Norris".

If Chuck Norris was on the Titanic, the icebergs would have moved out of the way. Unfortunately, he thinks Leonardo DiCaprio is a homo.

Chuck Norris can get breakfast at McDonald's after 10:30 AM.

Life doesn't give Chuck Norris lemons, it asks him what fruit he wants.

bbc020 · 2009 18

you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink...unless you're Chuck Norris

These Filthy Hands · 2009 20

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris Jokes

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