A company needed to downsize and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any employee who retired immediately his full annual benefits plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points on the their body, with the employee getting to select any pair of points he wished.
The first man who accepted asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. Six feet.
He walked out with a check of $720,000.
The second man, asked them to measure from the tip of his up-stretched hands to his toes. Eight feet. He walked out with a check for $960,000.
When the third man, a grizzled old Veteran, was asked where to measure, he told the pension man: "From the tip of my penis to my testicles."
The pension man suggested that perhaps the man might like to reconsider, pointing out the nice checks the previous two men had received. The Vet insisted and the pension expert said that would be fine, but that he'd better get the doctor to do the measuring.
The doctor attended and asked the Vet to drop 'em. He did. The medical officer placed the tape on the tip of the general's penis and began to work back. "My God!" he said, "where are your testicles?"
Two friends were playing golf when one pulled out a cigar but he did not have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one.
“I sure do,” he replied and reached into his golf bag and pulled out a 12 inch Bic lighter.
“Wow!” said his friend, “Where did you get that monster?”
“I got it from my genie.”
“You have a genie?” he asked. “Yes, he is right here in my golf bag.”
“Could I see him?”
He opened his golf bag and out popped the genie. The friend turned to the genie and said,
“I am a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?”
“Yes I will,” the genie said.
“I wish for a million bucks!”
The genie hopped back into the golf bag and left him standing there waiting for his wish to be delivered.
Suddenly the sky began to darken and the sound of a million ducks flying overhead was heard.
The friend turned to his golfing partner, “I asked for a million bucks not ducks!”
“I forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 12 inch Bic?"
Comments
>>randomness
A company needed to downsize and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any employee who retired immediately his full annual benefits plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points on the their body, with the employee getting to select any pair of points he wished.
The first man who accepted asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. Six feet.
He walked out with a check of $720,000.
The second man, asked them to measure from the tip of his up-stretched hands to his toes. Eight feet. He walked out with a check for $960,000.
When the third man, a grizzled old Veteran, was asked where to measure, he told the pension man: "From the tip of my penis to my testicles."
The pension man suggested that perhaps the man might like to reconsider, pointing out the nice checks the previous two men had received. The Vet insisted and the pension expert said that would be fine, but that he'd better get the doctor to do the measuring.
The doctor attended and asked the Vet to drop 'em. He did. The medical officer placed the tape on the tip of the general's penis and began to work back. "My God!" he said, "where are your testicles?"
"Khe Sanh," the Vet replied.
She has a wonderful fish necklace...
